Though the best part about it id say is the killer imagination, hell I have a whole life in my head that I escape to quite often. OCD lets me gaslight myself no problem though, so it kind of cancels out. Though gaslighting is impossible for me from other people so that’s one plus I guess. For the life I’ve lived thus far this trait is not something I’m super happy about. I retraumatize myself regularly with the vivid intrusive memories that I obsess over. I will never forget any of my negative experiences in life and have to block them out along with all other emotions if I want to find any relief. Who cares if I don’t have to study for tests or I can learn things way faster than most people, I relive and obsess over emotional pain I’ve experienced every single day and it makes life really hard and causes way too much stress. Like even though cool, I have yet another genetic anomaly about me, and people who know about it see me as really intelligent, it still fucking sucks for the most part. OCD is one hell of a drug that’s for sure.Īnyone else have a similar struggle? Or just can relate to any part of this? I feel kind of alone in this. And the funny thing about discovering that my memory is different from others like this, is that I am now obsessing over it, yet also doubting I have it and just want to look special (even though there’s little to no evidence for that and way more for the contrary). Now I know it’s severe CPTSD though and I’m working through it however small ways I can at the moment.Īlso no surprise here, but I also have OCD. My body kind of numbed myself to that through my earlier teen years, enough to where I thought I was a genuine sociopath just because that entire part of my brain shut off to protect itself. I remember how heartbroken and depressed I used to be (which is the worst during a flashback because not only does it feel the exact same but I remember feeling like it, so it almost hurts twice as bad in a way) and continue to be and it just causes me a lot of pain. The emotional memory really sucks though, cause ya know, severe longterm trauma. I also have a very vivid sensory and emotional memory, I can remember exactly how things feel, smell, look, taste, etc. A lot trickier with math, but with it being a different process in doing the equations out (I remember the formulas for the most part, I just suck at doing them out) it’s not surprising it would be different from writing/reading, emotional and sensory experiences. Pretty good for classes that require memorization, like in my biology classes right now, cause once I see something and lock it in I never have trouble getting that information for when it’s time to test for it. I also have eidetic memory and can pull up most things Ive seen, even if only once, in my head pretty easily. Had my childhood been great maybe I would like this little “superpower” but sadly that’s not the case. The latter taking up the majority unfortunately. But the thing about having such a great autobiographical memory is that while I remember many obscure things that are fun to share with others, nearly everything I’ve ever learned, every fun experience, I also remember the bad experiences, everything I failed at, and all of the trauma that went on. Until I get out of my childhood home it’s like it’s still happening in all honesty. The only thing is I have severe trauma that was 24/7 (not exaggeration) up until the age of 12, and only started to steadily decrease in severity until…. Boring days tend to merge but many had at least one thing defining enough to stick out and let me remember the whole day. Not the perfect as perfect can be where you remember every date and time that every specific event of your life happened, but I can play my whole life in my head like a really long movie and can describe the majority of my memories vividly. 18m, and I am almost certain I have a form of hyperthymesia.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |